WHAT does the dating term "ghosting" mean and how does it fit into modern dating? It's a controversial tactic but it's starting to become more common and it came to attention again when Sherif on Love Island revealed he had used the move himself - here's the lowdown. Ghosting is an expression used in dating terms and it's when someone suddenly cuts all ties and communication with the person they've been seeing. The theory behind ghosting is that the person who is being ignored will just 'get the hint' and realise their partner is not interested in dating anymore so the subject should be left.
Anyone can be a ghoster, it's not specific to either gender, but people sometimes find the behaviour is related to a person's maturity and communication skills. Many believe that ghosting is actually better for the person they're ignoring because they aren't hurting their feelings by telling them they don't want to date anymore. It's true that the theory of ignoring someone has been around for a long time but the term ghosting was coined from the online dating culture we have today.
Sincedating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Elite Singles and Happn have become a lot more popular and they all give the impression that there is always someone else. Ghosting can actually have quite a serious impact on a person's mental health, claims PsychologyToday.
The social rejection apparently can activate the same pain in the brain as physical pain, fortunately this pain can be treated with medication but the psychological distress can be more difficult to heal. Mental health professionals argue that the silent treatment is a form of emotional cruelty as it leaves you powerless to the situation and you're unable to find out any answers.
So, next time you're thinking of ghosting anyone, think carefully about what you're doing. Sign in. All Football. By Alana Moorhead. Comments are subject to our community guidelines, which can be viewed here.Ghosting, as you probably know, is the wholly unpleasant phenomenon when someone you are dating decides to simply fade away into the ether rather than have an upfront, honest, adult conversation about why he or she no longer wants to keep seeing you. If you're actively involved in the dating game — particularly online dating — there's a solid chance you know exactly what I'm talking about.
If you've been on the receiving end, you know that it's a confusing and frustrating experience that most likely left you wondering why people ghost in the first place. Despite the fact that there are many other, better ways to break up with someoneit seems that people can't seem to retire the pesky habit of ghosting. If you're a newcomer to the ghosting sceneI would first like to offer my condolences.
It's never easy to wrap your head around why someone would cease all communication and pretend you don't exist — at best, it's mega-frustrating and, at worst, it's degrading. Though there are endless reasons why someone might opt to ghost, chances are, the guy or girl in question is simply trying to avoid conflict or awkward questions about why things aren't working out.
Sure, it's immature, but unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it except hold your head high and move on. And although it's not ideal, there are actually times when it's totally OK to ghost someone. If you're in a fairly new relationship and are worried Potential Bae is about to back out, check out these seven signs that could forewarn you that the person you're seeing is about to go AWOL.
7 Signs Someone Is About To Ghost On You, Because You Should Always Be Prepared For The Worst
No one likes to play texting games "I'll wait two hours to respond because I don't want to seem too eager"but it's also a red flag if you consistently feel like the only one to initiate contact.
There's nothing fun about waiting to see if someone reaches out to you, only to realize after a couple days that it seems unlikely, so you just give in and text first againagainst your better judgment. If you see a pattern and truly feel in your gut that they're uninterested, beware that this person could easily just cut off all contact with no notice.
If every time you hang out, he or she suddenly has a reason to disappear even though you've only had one drink, there's a chance that they're mentally preparing to hit the road.
Why would they meet up with me in the first place, then? There's a possibility that they're hoping for a hookup, or that they're simply biding their time and appeasing your desire to see them before making the Big Exit. Not that every date has to turn into a hour sleepover followed by brunch, but if you're always left wanting more when they cut and run, it could mean they're not that into you. This is a tough one, because if things are genuinely going well, someone might deactivate their Tinder or OkCupid because they like you a lot and want to stop the search.
But if, in general, they're flaky or unresponsive towards you and you notice they've abandoned online dating, it might mean they're trying to literally disappear on you. If you can't reach them post-ghost via text or OkCupid, it's much easier for them to avoid your questions.
Similarly, if they constantly disappear and reappear — either on dating apps or in your inbox — it's clear that they're indecisive and haven't yet made up their mind about whether or not they want to date you or maybe date, period. If I text someone and ask them if they want to hang out in the near future, I fully expect an interested person to say, "I'm free on this day at this time.
Alternatively, you could be with someone who flat-out ignores any mention of a date.What could Penn have possibly done, aside from being Sean Penn, that could have warranted such treatment? Well, honestly, sometimes when a relationship goes sour, it just feels better to ghost your soon-to-be former partner than deal with it.
Bye, Felicia. Granted, not all relationships can be ended so easily. If you have a guilty conscience, for example, forget about it, because ghosting is not for the weak.
I mean, that would be great, but definitely not feasible. It may not be so great for the person on the receiving end, or rather not receiving end since communication is abruptly cut, but it definitely puts an end to things. If you can pull that off, then definitely do it. After a while, keeping the messaging going can be so boring. A month, in the dating world, is nothing; they will recover. First dates are everything.
It's hard to rationalize with someone like that. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Waywhich delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
Images: Pixabay ; Giphy 6.So maybe you weren't expecting Tinder to lead you to a lasting relationship. Have no fear. You don't have to keep sending message after message, hoping one will stick. If you have good reason to think he's ghosting you, one of these messages might be all you need to say:.
This is the most straightforward text that I can think of, as it gives somebody the opportunity to be honest, while also stating in plain language how you feel. I think that the worst thing about dating on the internet is that it means you sometimes don't feel empowered to be open with your emotions.
Or you could look at it this way: Texting and social media profiles make it so you can say whatever you want, especially if it means standing up for yourself. You're not hiding. Why should they? I have gotten this one myself after not responding to somebody for a significant period of time. To be fair, I wasn't actively trying to ghost. That led me to a standstill.
Getting this text, though, jolted me into action. It was entirely, percent on me.
I tried to make that clear in my response. People ghost because they don't want to feel guilty. Hopefully, they aren't willing to let you feel like it's your fault. Also, I'm what they call a "rapid fire" texter, meaning that I'll send 12 separate messages to his single one.
I like breaking up my paragraphs, OK? The consequence is that if somebody stops answering me, it takes me a minute to realize it. That's when the self-loathing can start. No matter how independent and full of self-love I get, there's always that tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm a crazy woman. I feel like I can just imagine him showing my texts to his friends and joking about how obsessed I am with him after just a single hookup.
Even if your argument is taking place between you and your imagination, you can still put it in text form. This is the language of the oppressor: the spoiled, rich, frat boy who can get away with whatever he wants. Sometimes, you need to use it to get him to hear you. In my experience, bros hate being called what they are.
And there's no better way to get a bro to text you back then by getting a rise out of them. What goes around comes around, and while you might feel pressure to be mature when you're suspecting somebody of ghosting, you definitely don't owe it to them.
Ghosting itself is a pretty immature thing to do. You're entitled to your emotions, including anger and disappointment. If they get back to you in a few days, explaining that they dropped their phone in the toilet? No harm, no foul.Sometimes you just need to be able to get away clean. Ghosting someone is the clear option in this situation. There are different things you have to do in order to get away clean. I know ghosting someone has a bad reputation.
People may call them cowards or disrespectful, but the reality may be much different. Sometimes there are people who refuse to accept that the other wants to leave. It takes a lot of skill to pull off ghosting someone without creating a fuss. In order to get away clean, there are definitely steps you must take first. This is everything you should do when ghosting someone in order to do it right. You can never come back from ghosting.
If you want to ghost this person, then you have to be completely certain you want nothing to do with them. Think about it long and hard and be sure before you even start with this list. Even if you apologize, nothing will ever be the same. So picture your life without them, and accept how it will be.
If you just stop talking completely and shut down, people get anxious, nervous, and start worrying. When you talk to them, hold back on details. Stop asking questions. Just create a distance between the two of you. This makes it much easier for you to ghost and it also makes it easier for them to accept.
They might even understand why you did it.
Subscribe to RSS
The thing about cutting it off cold turkey is that it makes people angry.After ghosting, mooning and breadcrumbing, modern dating has taken a new twist: unghosting. The phrase was used by writer Gabrille Pedriani in a piece for Thrillistand has also gained traction on social media.
The phrase has emerged following a study which identified seven break-up methods.Que faire face au ghosting sur un site de rencontres ?
You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists?
Start your Independent Premium subscription today. Independent Premium Comments can be posted by members of our membership scheme, Independent Premium. It allows our most engaged readers to debate the big issues, share their own experiences, discuss real-world solutions, and more. Our journalists will try to respond by joining the threads when they can to create a true meeting of independent Premium.
The most insightful comments on all subjects will be published daily in dedicated articles. You can also choose to be emailed when someone replies to your comment. The existing Open Comments threads will continue to exist for those who do not subscribe to Independent Premium. Due to the sheer scale of this comment community, we are not able to give each post the same level of attention, but we have preserved this area in the interests of open debate.
Please continue to respect all commenters and create constructive debates. Long reads. UK Politics. Lib Dems. Green Party. Boris Johnson. Jeremy Corbyn. US Politics.
Help The Hungry. Shappi Khorsandi. Mary Dejevsky. Robert Fisk.
6 Ghosting Dos And Don'ts To Consider Before You Ghost
Mark Steel. Janet Street-Porter. John Rentoul. Matthew Norman. Sean O'Grady. Tom Peck. Andrew Grice. Rugby union.You go on two dates with someone, think you really hit it off, and then, you never hear from them again. In my mind, I'd like to believe that they were in the CIA and that the government made them change their number because they were too in love with me. Or maybe they were kidnapped. Or potentially, their phone dropped into the ocean when they were collecting sea shells for me as a gift.
I've ghosted people, too. And honestly, most people probably have in their lives. Dating is like hiring for a job, and you're not going to hire every person who applies for the job. And more often than not, you're probably not going to see someone again.
Imagine if you formally fired every person who applied for a job, when you didn't even hire them in the first place. That would be weird, wouldn't it? It would. So if you went on a date with a guy, and you're not into him, you don't owe him anything. Just go MIA if you feel comfortable doing so. And if he keeps contacting you If you don't want to fake your own death to get out of a relationship, tell them the truth You don't need to let him know that he was four inches too short for you, or that his really close relationship with his mother weirded you out.
I know, it's surprising. Instead of ghosting, they're claiming to be getting back with their ex, so that the person they went on a few dates with doesn't take the rejection personally. So if you never want to see your date again, but you don't want to hurt their feelings, you can always go the route of telling them that you're giving your ex a second chance — even if said ex doesn't actually exist. If they continue to text you days, weeks, or months after your date, just let them know you weren't feeling a connection, and let them off easy, so they aren't left wondering if they have a shot with you.